Cluster Map of Our Visitors

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

THE BOY WHO TRICKED PEOPLE BY:KS

One day there was this boy that came to town and tricked people for money . For the next six years people were broke but the boy didn’t care . He kept tricking people for money until they had no money Then the boy left town and there was no money in the town but when the boy left he found one more house but it was the police officer and took him to jail for life and for the next 5 years the town had 20 dollars until the boys brother came but he did video games for next 7 years he stole video games he kept stealing games until there where no more games in the city then when he was leaving the police caught him but he was in jail 8 years and every one got 20 games and they had no more problems for life.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

you have used many buts in your story.like when he found one more house but it was the police officer,you should have said he found one more house and it was the police officer's house.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with drawer you did pu in to manny buts and it was a little to short.

backflip2396 said...

what happend after they got out of jail? Where did the go and did they trick anyone else?

Anonymous said...

Needs a lot more details and commas!Big time!

Anonymous said...

Ok story KS, I thought it was a little short but good. I liked the fact that when the boy went to jail his brother took over and stole video games.

Anonymous said...

Try and add more details like how he tricked people or what happened when he was in jail.

Anonymous said...

I think you should of put more details.

Anonymous said...

i think your story is short and you put in to many buts.

Anonymous said...

I don't really get the point of your story it needs more details