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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
THE BOY WHO TRICKED PEOPLE BY:KS
One day there was this boy that came to town and tricked people for money . For the next six years people were broke but the boy didn’t care . He kept tricking people for money until they had no money Then the boy left town and there was no money in the town but when the boy left he found one more house but it was the police officer and took him to jail for life and for the next 5 years the town had 20 dollars until the boys brother came but he did video games for next 7 years he stole video games he kept stealing games until there where no more games in the city then when he was leaving the police caught him but he was in jail 8 years and every one got 20 games and they had no more problems for life.
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9 comments:
you have used many buts in your story.like when he found one more house but it was the police officer,you should have said he found one more house and it was the police officer's house.
I have to agree with drawer you did pu in to manny buts and it was a little to short.
what happend after they got out of jail? Where did the go and did they trick anyone else?
Needs a lot more details and commas!Big time!
Ok story KS, I thought it was a little short but good. I liked the fact that when the boy went to jail his brother took over and stole video games.
Try and add more details like how he tricked people or what happened when he was in jail.
I think you should of put more details.
i think your story is short and you put in to many buts.
I don't really get the point of your story it needs more details
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